MoMurder-na Harmaceuticals Presents: The VAER Y SCARY 19 VACCINE!!
“100% Safe and Effective ... Until It’s Not!!“
Are you tired of living a long, healthy life? Do you long for the excitement of a debilitating, mystery illness? Well, worry no more!! The VAER Y SCARY 19 VACCINE is here to shake things up!!
Straight from the brilliant minds who brought you opioid epidemics, thalidomide babies, and the food pyramid that made you diabetic, MoMurder-na is proud to offer you a vial of Holy Water designed to fortify your faith in modern medicine.
Side effects?? Only the BEST!! Here are the top 19 thrilling adverse events waiting for YOU and your family!!
🧘 Anaphylaxis - Because breathing is overrated
💕 Myocarditis & Pericarditis - Give your heart that warm, inflated feeling!!
🚑 Thrombosis with Thrombocytopenia Syndrome (TTS) - Clots? Low platelets? Why not both?!!
🦽 Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS) - Who needs mobility when you have compliance?
💉 Severe Allergic Reactions - Let's see if your EpiPen works!!
🤸 Seizures - A great way to shake up your nervous system!!
❤️🩹 Stroke - A stroke of bad luck, but hey, safe and effective!!
❤️🩹 Heart Attack - Because nothing says protection like cardiac arrest!!
🎉 Pulmonary Embolism - Breathe deep ... if you still can!!
🙈 Deep Vein Thrombosis - A clot of fun for the whole family!!
🥳 Appendicitis - Appendix?? Who needs one anyway?
🙇 Intestinal Obstruction - Your gut instincts were right to be afraid!!
🚑 Kawasaki Disease - Vroom vroom!! Straight to the pediatric ward!!
🔥 Multisystem Inflammatory Syndrome in Children (MIS-C) - The kids are NOT alright!!
🧏 Bell’s Palsy - When your compliance shows ... on only half your face!!
Transverse Myelitis - For those with backbone!!
👀 Optic Neuritis - Who needs eyesight when you have blind faith?
🏥 Autoimmune Disorders - Your body’s new hobby? Attacking itself!!
☠️💉☠️💉 Death - R.I.P.
Worried? DON’T BE!!
The ’safe and effective’ data was carefully curated, massaged, and retroactively adjusted by esteemed experts in white coats - the same ones who promised you that cigarettes were good for your throat and DDT was safe to spray on your kids!!
And if the ’science’ isn't enough to calm you down, don't worry!! We've got free Happy Meals waiting for you and your loved ones - post jab!! 💉☠️👍 Because nothing says ’trust the science’ like an over-processed burger and fries served with a side of coercion!!
CLOSING JINGLE
(To the tune of a cheerful ad ー think McDonald’s but sinister!!)
“Get the shot, don't ask why!!
Ignore the deaths ー comply, comply!!
It’s VAER Y SCARY, but don't you stress...
Side effects mean it works the best!!“
Narrator: MoMurder-na Harmaceuticals ー “If you survive the first dose, we’ve got boosters lined up just for you!!“
🚨Warning: Some customers may experience buyer’s remorse, loss of bodily autonomy, or sudden urges to question authority. If symptoms of critical thinking persist, please consult your nearest fact-checker. 🚨
😀 ’SATIRICAL’ PROMOTIONAL ANNOUNCEMENT 😀
MoMurder-na Harmaceuticals Presents: The VAER Y SCARY 19 VACCINE!!
“100% Safe and Effective ... Until It’s Not!!“
Are you tired of living a long, healthy life? Do you long for the excitement of a debilitating, mystery illness? Well, worry no more!! The VAER Y SCARY 19 VACCINE is here to shake things up!!
Straight from the brilliant minds who brought you opioid epidemics, thalidomide babies, and the food pyramid that made you diabetic, MoMurder-na is proud to offer you a vial of Holy Water designed to fortify your faith in modern medicine.
Side effects?? Only the BEST!! Here are the top 19 thrilling adverse events waiting for YOU and your family!!
🧘 Anaphylaxis - Because breathing is overrated
💕 Myocarditis & Pericarditis - Give your heart that warm, inflated feeling!!
🚑 Thrombosis with Thrombocytopenia Syndrome (TTS) - Clots? Low platelets? Why not both?!!
🦽 Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS) - Who needs mobility when you have compliance?
💉 Severe Allergic Reactions - Let's see if your EpiPen works!!
🤸 Seizures - A great way to shake up your nervous system!!
❤️🩹 Stroke - A stroke of bad luck, but hey, safe and effective!!
❤️🩹 Heart Attack - Because nothing says protection like cardiac arrest!!
🎉 Pulmonary Embolism - Breathe deep ... if you still can!!
🙈 Deep Vein Thrombosis - A clot of fun for the whole family!!
🥳 Appendicitis - Appendix?? Who needs one anyway?
🙇 Intestinal Obstruction - Your gut instincts were right to be afraid!!
🚑 Kawasaki Disease - Vroom vroom!! Straight to the pediatric ward!!
🔥 Multisystem Inflammatory Syndrome in Children (MIS-C) - The kids are NOT alright!!
🧏 Bell’s Palsy - When your compliance shows ... on only half your face!!
Transverse Myelitis - For those with backbone!!
👀 Optic Neuritis - Who needs eyesight when you have blind faith?
🏥 Autoimmune Disorders - Your body’s new hobby? Attacking itself!!
☠️💉☠️💉 Death - R.I.P.
Worried? DON’T BE!!
The ’safe and effective’ data was carefully curated, massaged, and retroactively adjusted by esteemed experts in white coats - the same ones who promised you that cigarettes were good for your throat and DDT was safe to spray on your kids!!
And if the ’science’ isn't enough to calm you down, don't worry!! We've got free Happy Meals waiting for you and your loved ones - post jab!! 💉☠️👍 Because nothing says ’trust the science’ like an over-processed burger and fries served with a side of coercion!!
CLOSING JINGLE
(To the tune of a cheerful ad ー think McDonald’s but sinister!!)
“Get the shot, don't ask why!!
Ignore the deaths ー comply, comply!!
It’s VAER Y SCARY, but don't you stress...
Side effects mean it works the best!!“
Narrator: MoMurder-na Harmaceuticals ー “If you survive the first dose, we’ve got boosters lined up just for you!!“
🚨Warning: Some customers may experience buyer’s remorse, loss of bodily autonomy, or sudden urges to question authority. If symptoms of critical thinking persist, please consult your nearest fact-checker. 🚨
Thank u 🌷